Maybe She's Born With It...

I gave up make-up for my sanity and daughter. Stupid, right?  

But not really.

   

I know it may not seem like that big of a deal, and I am sure some of you are shaking your heads saying, “That’s not true – I saw her with mascara on just the other day…” Before you start gossiping, let me explain.

My love affair with make-up began early. I was - hold your breath - in beauty pageants growing up. No toddlers in tiaras crap, but beauty pageants… I actually did quite well in them, too. So, several times a year, I would get dolled up from head to toe and be judged on how I looked. I was also judged on how I spoke, performed talents (I kicked all the singing girls butts by jumping rope every year), and presented myself. But, regardless of where the pageant was or who I was competing against or what I was wearing, my favorite part was always putting on make-up. I loved how, even after the trophies were assigned and my fancy dress was back on the hanger, I still felt really special because my hair and make-up hadn't been washed away in the night bath just yet.

I loved it. Not because I had low self esteem or because there was something fundamentally wrong with me – make-up was just fun. I was, and always will be very feminine on the inside, and getting dressed up makes me feel very in touch with myself. On the outside, I am not the most feminine, but  with make-up I feel that way. Not that I look bad without it, but I just feel girly. And every now and then, I like that feeling.  I still get excited thinking about a ‘make-over’ and I am almost thirty.

I started wearing make-up on a daily basis in the 7^th grade. I saw my mom about to throw out some stuff she had purchased and didn't like, and I asked if I could have it instead. She relented, because I know how to be annoying enough to get what I want.  Because of the pageants, I knew what it all was and how it was to be put on, so I never needed a ‘lesson’ in how to use the powders, creams, and brushes. Although, someone could have explained to me about the concept of matching foundation to your skin tone! My middle school yearbook pictures will be forever remembered for the well defined jaw line created by some Maybelline that was a little too dark for my fair skin… In retrospect (thanks to pictures) I now know I could have gone a little – or a lot - lighter.  After all, Mr. Duggin’s 8^th grade English class was not being conducted under heavy lighting, being photographed, or really had anyone important in it to impress, so the prom worthy make-up may have been a little much.

But, like I said, it was fun and I didn't care how people thought I looked because I felt great.

Before I knew it, it became my routine to take an hour to get ready before I went anywhere – like most teenage girls I was selfish and thought the world revolved around me. If I was short on time, I simply did my mascara. Mascara has always been my absolute favorite product because I have very blonde eyelashes, and without it I can look like a kid. Nowadays, I look like a kid with crow’s feet, but younger than my actual years nonetheless. Make up became my tool to look older and more sophisticated as I aged.

Blonde curls, round face, and blue eyes are very easily discredited as “cute”.  I have always had to work a little harder and be a little more assertive than others with my same abilities because I am “cute”. Not hot-cute, more like cabbage patch doll –cute. Only with age have I learned that confidence can fix the problem of not being heard or listened to. As a youngster, I thought make-up gave me the grown up look that would make people take me seriously, but what I was missing was the voice that comes with the age and crow’s feet.

Just an FYI – snorting when you laugh also makes people not take you seriously, no matter how much make-up or crow’s feet you are sporting. Lesson learned.

Back to the issue at hand. Make-up. As I have aged, putting on make-up has become less fun and simply a habitual chore that MUST be done before I leave for work/church/grocery shopping/date night. I don’t wear much anymore, but I have my 15-20 minute standard routine. Buying make-up is now expensive and putting it on takes time away from my other, more important, responsibilities.

Let me preface the next part of this with the following: I do not think make-up is evil. I do not think make-up wearers are shallow (mostly, because I still put make-up on for church or important events, thus making me a make-up wearer). I simply had to take a step back and evaluate what is important to me, and make-up didn't make the cut.

In December, I started thinking retrospectively about 2012. I thought about things I did well and things I would prefer to not repeat. 2012 kicked my butt in regards to time management. I never felt like I was ‘caught up’ on anything. I was always rushed and never had time to myself. I can live with no time to myself – otherwise I wouldn't have become a mother. But, the feeling of always being rushed took its toll on me. I ended the year thinking, “Man, I am glad that’s over”. In efforts to create a more positive outlook for 2013, I wanted to manage my time better and learn to say no when I couldn't find the time. No more ‘squeezing in’ or double dipping my hours. My goal was to carry out my hours with one activity at a time, and to be happy I have the hours I do. Others pray for more hours, and I was glad to see an entire year go? That makes no sense. Time is our most valuable asset, and here I was saying “good riddance” to 365 beautiful days.

But, like most mother’s/workers/students/busy people, even with calendars, schedules, support, and planning, there are some days that there are just don’t seem to be enough hours. So, I started to look at where I lose time. My first thought was sleep, but I rarely sleep more than six hours in a night, so that wasn't it. I looked at my morning routine and decided that the 15-20 minutes I spend on make-up every day accumulates to over five days over the course of the year. So, I decided I would only do make-up for church or date night, or if I felt like it, but that I would no longer wear it on a daily basis. It would no longer be part of my getting ready routine.  

The reactions I have gotten to my natural face have been drastic extremes. Some people think I have great skin and cute freckles (coconut oil, folks – best moisturizer EVER), while others look at the bags under my eyes and assume that the bags, coupled with my “soft frame” means I must be lazy. To be honest, until I stopped wearing make-up every day, I did not realize the full extent of societal pressure to fit a female mold.

When I stopped wearing  make-up all the time, I found myself being looked at differently, and occasionally feeling bad because of the way I was being perceived. Now, I am an enigma. I have never deeply cared what most people think about me. If I care what you think about me, you know I care. Otherwise, I will take your opinion, but won’t be hurt by it. Self-esteem has never been my weak point. However, I have never been judged as harshly as I have been recently, either. From family members to strangers on the street, there are lots of people who have input on the way I look – especially without make-up.

Typically, it makes me feel bad. Not about myself, but about society. But, for people who might not have the self-esteem created out of titanium, the comments and glances can be terribly hurtful. For those with tender hearts, the sneers and comments can be detrimental. To put it bluntly, people are rude when you don’t ‘fit’.

I don’t want this feeling for my daughter. So, in addition to the time not wearing make-up saves me, I stopped wearing make-up for Adaline.  I want her to see that mommy loves herself because I want my sweet Adaline to love herself. We all know the best way to teach our children is by example, so that is what I am doing. I am showing my daughter that the bags under my eyes, the scars, and the occasional dot of acne do not degrade my character at all. I am showing her that confidence and true beauty have nothing to do with make-up, or even how I look. I am showing her that her father, who is a wonderful man, loves me in my simplicity and that real men love women who are smart, funny, kind, and accomplished, and not just a pretty face. I am showing her that spending time with her is more important than how I look. I am showing her that the scar on her nose, just like the one in my eyebrow, is a story to tell, and shouldn't be covered up for conformity sake.

Society will be telling my daughter who she needs to be long before I even realize it. She will be told to being thin and pretty is more important than being smart, kind, and having self-respect. That a boy will need to rescue her. She will be told modesty is for the birds and that dressing provocatively is the way to a man’s heart. There are lots of things I anticipate that this world will throw at my beautiful baby girl, but one thing I can do is prepare her to be who she is and make no apologies for that. To be honest, kind, and a hard worker. I hope that in my attempt to show my natural face, I can show Adaline that beauty is so much more than well-defined eyelashes and even toned skin. I hope to show her that she defines beauty for herself, and that no one can ever take that from her. That with or without make-up, she is stunning in her divinity and grace. That she is special because there is no one like her. Sure, we will have fun in make-up, but I want her to know that make up should be fun and not required.

That’s all I got for today, folks. Try it – just for a week, and see how much time it saves you!