A few months after Jason and I got married, Vaseline
discontinued a lotion that they made that was my absolute favorite. I have a
skin condition (along with roughly 45% of the population…) called Keratosis
Pilaris. It’s more commonly called “chicken skin”. I have always had it and
always will have it, but some lotions make it less noticeable and uncomfortable
than others. The lotion that Vaseline made was PERFECT for my skin. It took
care of the bumps without leaving my skin greasy, it actually moisturized, was
affordable, and it didn't stink to high heaven. There are lots of lotions on
the market that aim to help KP, but this one was THE ONE.
And then they stopped making it.
So, get a new lotion, right? Telling me, with my finicky
skin to ‘just find a new lotion’ is like telling the U.S. government to ‘just
go ahead and solve the debt crisis’ – it’s much easier said than done.
Seriously, I have a collection of lotions that have had one or two uses out of and
then I can’t use them anymore. They either irritate or stink or don’t work. So,
unfortunately, shortly after we were married, my chicken skin took over and I
have been at war with it for the entirety of our marriage. I was/am/will always
be self-conscious about it. I had found
a miracle lotion for three years, then poof, it was back, worse than ever in my
adult age. Life is funny.
Jason knows how self-conscious I am about my skin. I don’t
like for people to see my arms and thighs. I couldn't care less about being
chubby, but I don’t want people to see the red bumps that are symptomatic of my
frustratingly annoying and common condition. He knows that I am going to look
at lotions every time we go to the store, and he even looks at them when he
goes alone.
Which is why this post is about him and not my chicken skin.
Two weeks ago, Jason called me from the store. I can’t remember what exactly I
had sent him for, but he called to ask me what the name of my lotion was (it
was Vaseline Intensive Repair, just in case you are curious). He found one that
had a similar name, and bought the big bottle of it. It wasn't exactly the
same, but I figured I would try it because I have tried them all. And to my
shock – it helped my itchy red bumps.
After 4.5 years of marriage, this man is still looking for a
discontinued lotion that can help me feel better every time he is at the store.
In his dedicated searching, he actually found a new one. I mean, it seems so
unimportant, but it makes a huge difference to me.
That is why this post is about Jason. I am so head over heels
in love with this guy that no words can do it justice. When he looks at me I
feel secure, safe, loved, and treasured beyond words. He always says the right
thing, even if at the time it sounds wrong. He is honest, gentle, good, and
selfishly selfless (meaning he doesn't care how much you don’t want his
service, you are going to get it…). He tries hard for me, every
day, and
exceeds any expectations I ever had for marriage.
Every. Single. Day.
As many of you know, I am slowly bowing out of my full time
job for the state to venture full time in self-employment. This is scary for
the following reasons:
1 – I have yet to grow a money tree from the penny I planted
last year.
2 – I wasn’t happy when I was a Stay At Home Mom, and while
being self-employed will be different, until it all takes off, I see a lot of
time in yoga pants in my future and it is somewhat terrifying.
3 – I know nothing about business, websites, or the
technical aspects of being an owner/operator. I do, however, know that if you
work hard and are nice to people, you will find success in the most surprising
places.
4 – I am doing all of this while pregnant with a second
child.
However, these feeling of fear are considerably softened for
one tremendous reason: Jason.
Jason reminds me constantly that I am not only 100% cut out
for this, but that it is the best idea I have ever had. That I am bossy enough
to pull this off, but kind enough to do it wisely. That more women need help in
getting unbiased information about birth and maternal health resources. That I can’t
go to Target without talking to every woman doing her Baby Registry and give
them fair and balanced information in the 30 minutes I spend with them. That I
walk away from settings having changed people, usually for the better. I feel
annoying when I do these things, like talk to people incessantly, but he sees
me as a tender messenger, there to help others navigate birth and parenthood.
What? Yeah, he really does.
Jason sees capabilities in me that are blurred in my own reflection.
He loves me just as I am, but reminds me all the time that I am more than what
I think. His calm demeanor amid my neurosis is exactly why we work. I know I am
crazy; I get obsessed with ideas/things/creations/goals very easily (currently
it is getting carpet down in Adaline’s room) and feel like a failure if I don’t
get it all done rightthisveryinstant. His calm demeanor reminds me that life isn't about getting the house clean for every second of every day, or creating
the perfect atmosphere for him and Adaline to exist in, but rather to exist
with them. He reminds me that he picked me for a laundry list of reasons and
that I am the best choice he has made. Being his maid and doing his laundry are
not on that list… if they were, he would be naked.
I am literally in awe on a continual basis that someone so
wonderful has chosen me to be his eternal companion. The mother of his
children.
This of course was all sparked because I woke up this
morning with less chicken skin than yesterday, all because he got me lotion.
It continued when I got an unnerving phone call at work, to
which my sweet husband responded, “That doesn’t make me nervous at all.” He
literally could not have said anything better.
In all the areas I feel the weakest, he is strong. Not for
me – but with me. He reminds me that I am capable, but human. That I am not
supposed to ‘do it all’, but just what the Lord expects of me. He holds me
accountable for being the woman the Lord has trusted me to be and become, and
for that, I could never be grateful enough.
He bought me a fancy cutting board that fits over the sink
because it will help my mornings go faster. He helped me finish school (quite
literally). He is the best father I have ever seen. He cleans the toilet
because he knows I hate it. He never gets mad if I say, “I just really don’t
feel like making dinner tonight”. His response when we disagree or I get my
feelings hurt is “I need to do better”, rather than telling me I am wrong or he
didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. He makes my lunch, even cuts my carrot sticks.
He lets me have big ideas, and helps me have even bigger follow through. He
drives entire road trips because driving for long periods of time makes me
sleepy. He holds my hand when we are walking, pushing the stroller, or falling
asleep. He charges my phone for me because I always forget and then have a dead
phone for an afternoon. He laughs when I tell an inappropriate joke. He
compliments the food I cook as though I were Bobby Flay/Paula Dean/Ina Garten
all rolled into one. He says he loves me every time he closes the door –
whether he is going to the bathroom, outside, or to the office… He calls me on
his lunch break because he works close enough to home to visit our daughter,
and calls just so I can hear her laugh and giggle while I am at work. He never
gets mad when I change my mind (which is frequent).
I guess my ode to Jason is that I could not be all that I
am. Do all that I do. Or even try as hard as I try without his support. He is
more than I ever thought I deserved and I could not be prouder to be his wife.
I hope everyone, at some point in their life, feels loved
like this. To be thought of and cared for by someone they admire. In return, I try to love as much as I can. I try to share the light that Jason helps keep lit in me with others. I am able to be optimistic, hopeful, and faithful for everyone around me because he helps buoy me up.
I hope to help change the world someday the way he has changed mine. I hope to show others what their worth is, the way he shows me. My husband is the greatest example of the Savior that I know. He continually does good. Because of him, I can be all of the things I am, and try to use that to make the world better.
Man, I love being married to him.
