Yesterday I was a bad mom. There is absolutely no denying it. It’s true.
I yelled.
I rolled my eyes.
I cried in front of my kids.
I scared my kids.
We have been cycling through some weird stuff lately…
Busy-ness, growing pains (both physical and emotional), sickness, hurt feelings,
and other “-ness’s” that fill up our lives and drive us to madness. In this
madness, we tend to…
Yell.
Roll eyes.
Cry.
Scare our kids.
I am not proud, and I am only willing to share my moment of
weakness because it is so far from the way I normally try to parent. I will readily admit that I am firm,
but I am not a raging person by nature… I am actually pretty laid back.
Normally, I am the parent that lets my kids jump on the bed and have picnics in
the living room. I don’t mind spills because they can learn to clean up. This
is the kind of parent I am. I say “yes” as much as I can, and when I must say “no”,
it comes with a hug… Normally…
But yesterday, I raged. I raged over running in the house. I
raged over not listening. I raged over whining from being
over tired. I raged over water being splashed out of the bathtub. I raged; rage
was my go to reaction last night.
So, as I try to overcome the enormous amounts of guilt I
have from my actions last night and hope to genuinely learn from this so it
doesn’t happen again, I guess all I can say is that I was able to teach my kids
and myself something out of this…
I showed my children I make mistakes. Because I do. All the
time.
I showed my children I can say I am sorry. Because I need to
when my actions hurt someone.
I showed my children that no matter how much I apologize, my
consequences don’t go away just because I am sorry; I still need to earn back their
trust.
My kids showed me forgiveness, in the purest and most
perfect forms.
My kids showed me that a hug can heal a wound cut by a loud
voice.
My kids showed me, through their actions, that I am not
always a raging bad mother, because they demonstrated what is normally taught
in our home. They forgave and didn't look back and loved without question.
I also learned that your kids will almost immediately
forgive you if you let them have a bowl of marshmallows with their dinner.
Despite my meanness and inexcusable behavior, my kids showed
me love, tenderness, and forgiveness. The “ness’s” my life needs more of, especially
on days like yesterday. There were a lot of tears last night from everyone, but
when bed time came - sweet redeeming bedtime - , a story was still read, a song
was still sung, “beans” was still whispered in each other’s ears, snuggles were
still requested. Requested is the key there...
I think these days are had by all. Maybe I am wrong, but I
don’t think I am. I don’t want to be the mom that yells, rolls her eyes, cries out of frustrations, and
who has kids who are scared of her. I had a mom that raged often, and if adult
Melissa could go back and help her young self to see her mother was just scared
and lonely and stressed and doing her best, I think young Melissa would have
tried harder to show her mom what my kids showed me last night. Anyhow, what I
am trying to say is I think we can help each other by not pretending that this
is something that only happens to “bad” moms. Bad moments happen – they don’t
have to be bad days. And if the bad moments become days, weeks, or months, know
you can turn around at any point. Seriously, eat a bowl of marshmallows with
your kids and try not to laugh and giggle. Our children never need us to
justify loving them, or even being human, but they do deserve to know we are
trying our hardest to be everything they need, and most of what they want.
So, I have learned sorry, hugs, and marshmallows go a very, very
long way in turning around a bad day.
