Love one another.

Love one another.

It seems like a simple idea. Treat others the way they would want to be treated (which, as I learned in my first communications class ten years ago, is the real “Golden Rule”). The simplicity in phrasing of the commandment to “love one another” is sly. It makes us think it doesn't require that much effort, when in all actuality, it is perhaps the hardest commandment to follow. I mean, I personally don’t find it terribly difficult to not kill someone or steal from them. I only have eyes for my one and only Jason. I have been conditioned and raised to use the Lord’s name in reverence and thanksgiving… I could list all day how the other commandments are not rocket science. But, what I am descriptively getting at is that loving others is the most difficult commandment for me. And, I think it is for a lot of people.

So, why is that? Why can we not look at others of all race, creeds, sizes, genders, and lifestyles and just say, “Hey, I love you” and treat them accordingly? Why, when so many of us want peace and happiness in the world, do we find fault with our brothers and sisters, and thus withhold our love? Why can we not accept others without hesitation and simply offer the same love Christ would?

As individuals, we have been given different gifts and abilities from the Lord. We all walk our own walk and talk our own talk. In the same light, we have been given agency to choose to do with our gifts what we will. I think the difficulties in loving others come when we don’t agree with how others are using their gifts from the Lord. It could also be that we can see reflections of ourselves in others that we don’t like. I am blunt, care very little about what others think of me, and like to have the last word – when I meet others like me, I have a VERY hard time loving them. Why? Because I can see the negative aspects of my character that are dulled by my abnormally high opinion of myself; I see the ugly parts of my reflection.

I like to be in control. I like to be in control because I don’t want the ones I love to experience anything negative. I know this is a terrible approach to life and can isolate the ones I love, so I try to work on it. Like, right now, I should be cleaning the kitchen to create the perfect environment for my family to exist in, but rather I am sitting her writing a blog post while Adaline sleeps. See? I am trying to relinquish some control… Baby steps, but effort none the less. I learned that my need for control was an inhibitor to following the commandment to love one another when my sister came out of the closet as gay. Or lesbian? LGBT? Skillet-sexual? A goat? I am never quite sure I am up to date on the lingo… (FYI – that is a joke between my sister and I. If you are gay and reading this, don’t get your panties in a wad… ) She has tattoos, is a closet smoker, drinks, and can’t keep her room clean. So, this is a picture of my sister, she is the blonde one in the black tutu and fishnet shirt:

My sister, in addition to all her physical characteristics, is an astounding performer. She sometimes performs as a man, and sometimes as a drag queen version of herself. She spends a lot of time honing her talent. She is magnetic. She makes friends easily, she is generous and kind and she could not be more different from her straight-laced Mormon sister. This is her, too, in non-performer mode:

LaDonna and I spent several years hoping the other would be different, thus limiting our abilities to love one another. I just wanted her to be straight because I knew her life would already be hard because she has a tender heart; being gay was only going to make her subject to more cruelty from the world. She just wanted to me shut up and quit nagging about how she could be more mature and responsible; she wanted me to accept her wholly. Go to PFLAG meetings and whatnot…

After several years of tension caused by not loving one another, we made an effort. I don’t know where the desire to change came from, but I think it was born when we both realized at my father’s death that life is far too short.

Life is simply too short to not appreciate the diverse children God has put on this planet. Life is too short to wish someone would exercise their agency differently. Life is too short to be angry or upset at the actions of others.

This is not to say that we should be blowing sunshine and rainbows at each other all the time; quite the contrary. We are meant to have conflict, because out of that we can grow. But, when we find ourselves in those moments where we are hoping to write someone off – give up on them as a lost cause, I encourage you to think of the lost sheep. The prodigal son. The woman with an issue of blood. That is what we are to exemplify – the UNCONDITIONAL love the Savior exemplifies.

My sister never gave up on my ability to love her. Was there screaming? Fighting? Cussing? Slapping? You bet your backside there was, but I have never been more grateful for someone not giving up on my ability to love unconditionally. It took me a long time and a lot of effort (I am sure it did on her part, too) to realize my sister is not going to change, and in coming to that realization, I also had to realize that the simple wording of that commandment did not change. “Love one another” does not mean any of the following:

“Love when it is convenient”

“Love only those who are like you”

“Love when it feels easy”

“Love when you are ready”

“Love when they apologize/get it right/stop being wrong”

The wording of “love one another” is so simple because the Lord wanted to remove any justification for hesitation. He made it simple so, when we stand at judgment, there are no “buts” coming out of our mouths. He made is simple to we could follow it without wondering if we are doing it right.

What I have learned from my sister has made me a better wife, mother, friend, teacher, and business owner. Does this all mean that I love everyone I meet? No, I am and human working towards immortal perfection. In other words, I have a long way to go. But, I have made one massive realization that I would like to share:

Our choice to “love one another” has, in fact, very little, if anything, to do with others.

We are responsible for our own actions. Regardless of if my sister’s lifestyle agrees with mine, I am commanded to love her (she makes it pretty easy). Regardless of how much we yell at each other, I am commanded to love her. Regardless of how much I don’t agree with her sometimes, I am commanded to love her.

The commandment doesn't change pending my reaction to the circumstances of my life. The commandment doesn't change because my feelings get hurt or I feel offended. My love does not have to be earned or given as a rewarded. The commandment doesn't change pending my acceptance of others, their choices, or use of agency. My love is to be given freely.

It a hard pill to swallow if we think of our own actions and reactions regarding others.  Everyone has room for improvement. Perhaps this is a lesson others learned at a young age, but by the state of the world we live in, I think we could all use a reminder.

I close this post with a challenge: Find ways to show unconditional love. Start in your home, your neighborhood, your community. Wherever you feel ready to start and grow from there. Grow to touch others who aren't like you. Grow to touch others who have been shunned. Grow to see the need others have for a kind word, hug, or helping hand – then give it.  I am going to try and I hope you all do too!

Thanks for reading my ramblings!